Breath and Let Go: Leaning into Non-Attachment

I was stuck on it. I kept thinking "How can this keep happening?" and the emotions of anger, frustration and despair intensified each time I came back to this thought. "But why? It's so obvious things need to change, so why don't they?!" I couldn't let it go. I felt like if I just kept ruminating on it I would find a solution, or be justified in my feelings, or somehow make it better by continuing to dwell. Letting it go felt like forgetting, or giving up. 

I was so attached to these thoughts and emotions that I wasn't allowing for any space to invite in new thoughts, new insights, new emotions. I was determined to stay stuck because it felt familiar and righteous. 

Aparigraha, or non-attachment, is a yogic concept that is hard for many of us because we naturally get attached to things and don't want to give them up. We get attached to our morning cup of tea, or bedtime routine, our home, our clothes, our thoughts, our treats and indulgences. The idea of giving them up or not being attached to them feels like it is taking away a comfort, a soothing source of self care.

In reality it is making us more rigid mentally, energetically and emotionally. We come to depend on that afternoon caffeine fix to boost our mood and soothe us rather than considering that something else may be causing the need for that soothing behavior like lack of sleep, draining work, or inner turmoil. These attachments become ways that we avoid doing the inner work, and I was doing just that. 

So I took a yoga class. 

It took some inner convincing because I knew it would make things shift, and I resisted that, but once I moved and breathed the intensity of my rumination lifted. I still had my emotions, my thoughts and opinions on the matter, but there was more space around them. I was less contracted mentally, physically and energetically. 

In fact, it gave me the space to be able to sit with the emotions and thoughts and process them versus ruminate.

It gave me the space to realize how I could initiate some changes and move things in a new direction, even in small ways. I started to see the phases of the cycle I was stuck in and it could see the opening where I could begin healing. 

I found myself suddenly wanting to do all the changes and all the healing all at once and reach that goal and ruminated on how I could "fix it" with endless web searches.

I was doing it again. 

So I took a breath and let things be. Let them unfold in their own time without force, but with mindful steps towards the goal. Allowing space along the way to process, breath, reflect and not contract around what was coming up. 

Try These 3 Practices to Invite More Space and Less Attachment into Your Daily Life: 

1) Notice Contraction Within Your Being: The next time you find yourself getting caught up in emotions, thoughts, feeling intensely about something observe how it feels in your body.

Is there tension? Are you making a fist? Is your brow furrowed or your jaw clenched?

These are signs that you are contracting around those thoughts and emotions that are coming up. Contraction leads to these emotions and thoughts getting stuck and creating a never ending cycle. See if you can soften a bit and give yourself some space to breath, process and sit with what is coming up instead of ruminating on it. 

Noticing the cycle is the first step in seeing how and where we can break unhealthy inner cycles and make change. Letting go of attachments and creating inner space for clarity and calm. 

2) Breath and Let It Go: The simple flow of breath is a great way to break internal cycles, reset our nervous system, and is a wonderful example of how we can practice Aparigraha.

"What if we could  trust life like we trust the breath? What if we could take in all the nourishment of the moment and then let it go fully, trusting that more nourishment will come? There is nourishment until we get attached to things. Like the breath held to long, the things that nourish us can become toxic," says Deborah Adele, in The Yamas & Niyamas. 

Each day, make time to simply feel your breath. Feel the breath in your body, feel what leaves as you breath out. Let the inhale bring in energy of comfort even in moments of intensity, and exhale attachments and expectations allowing yourself more inner space. 10 breaths, about 1 minute, can make a huge difference in how we feel. Imagine what a 1hr yoga class could do? ;)

3) Mental Self Care - Intentionally caring for our mental wellness gives us deep insight and creates trust within our being that we will be cared for and held. Making it a part of your daily or weekly routine adds up to large impact in how we feel and how we move through the world. We start to feel more spacious in the mind and increase our capacity for change, uncertainty and difficult feelings by knowing that we will have this time for our mental wellness.

This may look like planning a daily walk and letting yourself think, journaling at night before bed, meditation practice, going to therapy or having weekly tea and talk date with a friend who listens well and makes you feel supported. 

Planning for your mental wellbeing lets your mind and your inner self know that you will be cared for; that there will be space to process what is coming up knowing it won't continue to pile up and instead has regularly scheduled time to unpack and process. 

This concept is a hard one for me, and for many of us. I hope you try your best and give yourself space to let this be an ongoing practice. We won't get it on the first try, and each time we are faced with new situations we may need to restart this practice of non-attachment and internal self care. 

Love yourself in your process of healing. Meet yourself with love and compassion as you are in this moment, and in each moment. 

Hugs, 

Ren